A Moment I Didn’t Plan For
I never thought this walk would mean anything to me, especially not today.
After all my body had been through, I just needed some quiet, a moment to breathe and find my balance again. Lately, even simple things have felt hard. There’s pain, and a quiet fear I haven’t talked about. Still, even though I wasn’t feeling strong, I went outside because I needed space.
Somewhere along the walk, though, hope quietly replaced the knot of uncertainty I first felt, warming each step with a sense of possibility.
“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

When Your Body Starts Speaking Loudly
I’ve been living with mechanical chronic low back pain for the past seven years. After my last MRI scan, doctors think it might be a condition called Osteitis Condensans Ilii, in which a part of my pelvic bone becomes thicker, or Sclerosis, which occurs when some body tissue becomes unusually hard.
Over the past six years, my body has taken me through many ups and downs.
Then, right before Easter, as I was walking down the stairs at home, my legs cramped. My muscles tightened, my legs shook, and I fell, landing on my bottom. Since I was home alone, it was even harder because I couldn’t get up right away.
With no one around to help, I just sat there, unsure of what to do next, waiting for the next step to become clear.
Eventually, I waited for my muscles to relax and for my body to let me move again, doing my best to stay patient throughout.

When It Happens Again and Again
Easter Saturday arrived.
I went to the evening service, and it happened again. My cousin and my son were right behind me. They caught me before I could fall, helped me sit down, and stayed with me the whole time.
It happened again the next day at church.
That’s when I knew.
This wasn’t just a moment.
It was a flare-up, a bad one.
It was a flare-up, a bad one.
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

The Days That Followed
I stayed in bed for two days, focusing on rest and allowing my body to begin healing.
Because the pain was so intense, I had to start taking my medication again: Naproxen, Omeprazole, and muscle relaxers.
Although I started with crutches to get around, I’m encouraged that I now use a walking stick and can move about more easily.
About a week after the fall, I began to feel pain in my tailbone. The pain became sharper whenever I tried to sit down, so standing up became even more difficult.
Honestly, as a result, I started to feel afraid of sitting down.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

When Fear Quietly Takes Over
At some point, I noticed how much fear had shaped my life, but I also felt ready to take it back. This understanding came quietly, blending into my daily routine.
For example, I didn’t sit down at all on Friday.
Instead, I spent the day walking, lying down, and even kneeling by the sofa to rest my head. I avoided sitting because I knew the pain would return as soon as I tried to stand up.
Remembering that pain held me back, but I keep telling myself that every challenge is a chance to heal and become stronger.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

The Walk That Changed Something
I decided to go for a walk.
I didn’t go because I felt strong. I just needed some time to myself. I needed some quiet, away from all the noise, pain, and fear, so I could calm my mind and regain control. I almost gave up. Yet, during that walk, I realised I had a choice: let the weight break me or find a way to keep going. That was the shift. That shift helped me realise that even though my body is having a hard time right now, it doesn’t mean I’m weak.
This doesn’t make me any less resilient.
Although I might not fully understand this time in my life, I remind myself that, deep down, I have support. I’m not facing this alone.
In moments like these, I have to remind myself. Because of that reminder, I’m not going to hold back just because I’m afraid of what could happen.
This isn’t the end of me.
Instead, I see this as just a new way for me to grow.
“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

A Different Kind of Strength
I’m beginning to realise that strength isn’t just about forcing your way forward.
At times, being strong means taking things slow, even when society encourages us to move quickly.
It also involves paying attention to what your body needs, which can be challenging to acknowledge.
Alternatively, choosing to be gentle with yourself rather than constantly pushing yourself too hard shows strength, too.
It also involves paying attention to what your body needs, which can be challenging to acknowledge.
Alternatively, choosing to be gentle with yourself rather than constantly pushing yourself too hard shows strength, too.
In fact, real strength sometimes means relying on others for support.
On other occasions, strength comes from permitting yourself to rest.
And, at the heart of it all, sometimes being strong is simply about not giving up.
On other occasions, strength comes from permitting yourself to rest.
And, at the heart of it all, sometimes being strong is simply about not giving up.
These less visible strengths matter deeply.
It’s just as powerful as any other kind.
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” Isaiah 40:31

For the Woman in a Hard Season
If you’re going through a tough time right now, whether it’s physical, emotional, or spiritual, please remember this:
Some days will feel overwhelming.
Strength can mean taking a break, letting yourself cry, or needing more time than expected.
Strength can mean taking a break, letting yourself cry, or needing more time than expected.
Being strong sometimes means falling before getting back up.
It can also mean moving deliberately or reaching out for help, even when you wish you didn’t have to.
It can also mean moving deliberately or reaching out for help, even when you wish you didn’t have to.
If this is where you are right now,
You are exactly where you need to be right now, even if it feels difficult.
You are whole, even if you feel worn down.
You are strong, even in moments of doubt or struggle.
You are whole, even if you feel worn down.
You are strong, even in moments of doubt or struggle.
You’re carrying something true, and it takes steady courage to keep going.
There is strength in this moment and in listening to your body.
There is strength in listening to your body.
Choosing to move gently and be honest with yourself also shows strength.
There is strength in listening to your body.
Choosing to move gently and be honest with yourself also shows strength.
Even if today is just about resting, taking a walk, or simply holding yourself together, you’re still making progress. And God sees it all.
Every unseen battle.
Every quiet decision.
Every moment you choose not to give up.
Every quiet decision.
Every moment you choose not to give up.
You are not alone, even here.
“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest.” Galatians 6:9

Reflection Questions
Take a moment in a quiet place to think about these questions.
- What is my body or heart trying to tell me right now?
- When have I expected too much from myself instead of being compassionate?
- Are there any hidden fears shaping my decisions?
- How can I move forward with kindness instead of trying to force things?
- Even if it doesn’t seem like it, I am still showing strength in my own way.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart” Psalm 139:23

With love and gentleness,
Her Sacred Stillness
You are sacred. You are becoming. Stillness always holds you.
Her Sacred Stillness
You are sacred. You are becoming. Stillness always holds you.